More than five years ago, after a few years of basking in a "no rejection" zone, I suddenly received rejection feedbacks for two manuscripts I passed. Back to back. The worse of it is... I believed what's written there. They were particularly harsh because that was a time when they do pass harsh, personal-smelling, gritty, cruel, evil rejection feedbacks. Like you haven't written anything good at all and they always regarded you as trash... as if they're just waiting on the sidelines for you to trip and expose yourself for what you really are. That kind of thing.
(OK, I wish now I didn't destroy the bloody-shit rejection slips years ago so I can have an explanation why I feel this way still. But alas... memories last until dementia. And you can't even be sure you're that lucky.)
Anyway, since you're geared to work like a horse, the habit of producing something a day or two is not easy to shake away from your psyche. Someone should have been there to tell you to rest when you're tired. Ease your worries that you don't have to die to feed your family. No guilt-trips when you can't produce anything now except something worthier than a toilet paper. Suddenly, you're all alone and everyone treats you like the plague. Like you have HIV and it passes through sight. Anyway, to make it short--no professional friend at all. It's a paralyzing phase. The fear--the terror of thinking you will never feel that powerful surge of inspiration to write something good--freezes you. You feel smaller than a cockroach. When all you needed is a freaking advice to tell you to just STOP. Stop everything. Turn your back on them. And take a freakin' rest.
Then take the negative from the mess and throw it out the window. Consider the mess again and you'll see it's not all mess at all. You just kind of dropped the leash that will make all the links work. You've just been tricked by unfortunately cruel people that you are stupid and unimportant. Eat a little chicken soup. Everyday is not a bad day. Break the surface and breathe. You're not alone, you just... don't trust easily smiling people anymore. Geez, stupid you... you should have learned that in first grade. Weren't it hard when you were receiving rejection slips before, when you were still trying hard to get published, and you don't yet know those people? Breathe. It's almost exactly the same thing. Except in the recent rejection slip, you don't even get their freaking names. Anonymous editors. Can't even put a face on the ones who slammed you.
Because you know you did not get there at all if you haven't been brave. Remember when you sent your manuscript out on trembling hands? Hell, no. Everything's trembling. You were sweating all over. It wasn't a pretty picture at all. But you still sent that manuscript with your soul in it. And you do love what you do with all of your heart. And it is your fault, too. You let them feed your ego 'til it gets bloated. So get rid of the ego and their chummies. Be brave again. Love again. And learn again. Life's lessons are gifts. Don't throw away the gifts. Make yourself your inspiration. Create again. And hope the story that doesn't get written except on blogs will help others going through the same thing. Which is the most important thing of all.
And well, it is therapeutic. Kind of like plates crashing on walls. Whatever heals.
Even if it takes a long while. Go back. Create again.
God did not give you that gift to just let it waste away.
Besides, it sucks staying another minute on the "rejected" zone.
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