What We Get From Life, We Give Back

Like water from Earth that turns to gas and floats up in the heavens as clouds, they go back to earth as rain. Everything we take from life goes back. What we learn from experiences, from pain, from happiness, from relationships, from life in general, goes back in million ways. As an artist, it becomes more obvious. This becomes a process. What I get from my life is what I get to write in paper. What wisdom Mother Life and Father Time gives me, I write down in whatever quality and quantity and understanding I was able to process it. Just like any other artist using any other medium, I give it back in any way the world would let me. Obviously, mine's through publishing. But most important to remember is--what you read inside those pages are free. Even I do not own it, though the ego in me would glow when one compliments it. The packaging is not--the paper, ink, promotion, people who worked to get that thing to other people--that gets paid. But any amount you pay is not for what you get inside. What you learn inside, is free, paid forward to you, and you pay forward any way you have to--as if you have a choice--through how you act, what you sketch, what you say, what you write. It follows a dynamic that businessmen and politicians will not easily understand because their lives revolved around money and bills of rights. So they make contracts that says this belongs to this one and this belongs to that one because that one has the right or this one has the say--and mostly, they create war, really. They make this small, limited world where they have every degree of learning stand out only in paper or in whatever physical way it is possible. It is not the world of the artist. We build our tower of Babel whichever way possible, in whatever form, mostly intangible though you can touch it, you can use it.

As Father Time ages, people learn not to be destructive. As Mother Wisdom ages, learning becomes cumulative. And what's right and wrong becomes more complicated and complex. And the simplest, really, to those who get it.

At present, our tower, our forbidden grimoire, is the Internet. Will they still be able to burn the book?

Oh no, I don't think so. This is the 21st century, the age of the Aquarius, the era of the spirit.

Do you get what I mean? It's a bubble, I know. But do you get what it means?

Six Kids and Twins

I have twins. I'm a mother of six already when I got my twins. The sixth is in the second grade and the first in college and suddenly, I'm pregnant with twins. Well, I know that I have a pair of twin aunts and about a pair of twin cousins, too. But I already have six adorable, noisy, boisterous, pasaway kids. Twins. Beautiful, elegant, both-cheek-dimpled, bubbly beautiful, beautiful twins. Who can resist them?

I will kill anyone who would!

Sofia Eleina and Sofia Ysabela are four month olds now and adored by everyone in the household. They  laugh and snicker, they can almost crawl, they still prefer being breastfed than bottle-fed. They watch TV, they coo and shout. Most of all, those adorable, charming, vivid smiles gets better and better. I still can't believe I have them. I wake up in the morning and the first thing I'll smell is their smell, and I'll smile. The first thing I'll reach out for is the one who's nearest. And I'll suddenly feel guilty for paying attention to one so I'll reach for the other. God help me. I get guilty a hundred times during a day since I've had them.

Sometimes I would go research about twins in the web just to see if I'm shaping up. It's a challenge, double-up and yes, I feel the pressure everyday. For after everything that I do, for every deed that I've committed, I know that one day I will be remembered for being what kind of a mother I've been. Everything else that I did felt selfish everytime I remember I'm a mother because this is the one role I feel very helpless of doing. whatever you read in mags and online about parenting doesn't really help on hand. You go with your instinct. and when you love so much, that instinct will give you everything you need. I love all my kids very much. And I'm scared because along the way, mistakes will be part of our lives. One parent already buckled under the pressure. It's all up to me now.

There are tons to say. It's always not enough.

A mother should do everything she could. 

And I will.