Filipinos Are Worth Dying For, and Here's Why

Why do we have legitimate heroes who had willingly walked to their deaths--tied or not--for the Filipinos?

Rizal's last walk resulted to a legacy of courage, dignity, and grace. Bonifacio led a life of constant war for Philippine autonomy. He was Rizal's opposite in the style of fighting, but they died for the same cause -- a leviathan Rizal had accepted could not be killed by the tabak but by education, but Bonifacio tried anyway. Ninoy's stubborness in fighting the same leviathan and eventually dying for it brought us to the world's map of Firsts after his death resulted into the first peaceful Revolution ever in the history of the world.

They weren't fighting a visible enemy. They fought for what we've lost after our identity had been wiped out by a conquering powerful nation. They fought for a legacy we might have lost by being blind of what we can be.

So let's see. A long time ago, before the Spaniards came, we were a race of community-loving people that enjoyed prosperity through active trading. We fiercely protect our islands and our kingdoms by willingly taking on the responsibilities of our social status. We are known to be generous and friendly to those we welcome to our shores. Our warriors and mercenaries were lauded as fierce and ruthless and the best in this part of the world. Our men protect our women. Our women teach our children of their future roles in the community. We have our elders, our explorers and traders, our royal elite, our rulers. We have our own mini-governments ruled by Rajas, Sultans or Datus. We have gold and silver and other precious metals, spice, ivory, pearl, nuts, bamboos, and clothes for trade. We consider Chinese trading brothers and men from imperial Japan propose marriage to our women so they could trade freely in our islands. During those days, being an archipelago protected us. Our watchers could see ships from miles at sea and could get ready before they even came near our beaches. Can you imagine that?

What we didn't have, though, is unity. Having small kingdoms/states in main islands that were independent of each other meant the Philippines before colonial times were divided. We don't have one government, one language, one religion, one system. Early visitors noticed that we didn't have a king that rules all. We, essentially, was not one nation.

Imagine what it was like before electricity and cellphones and the Internet?

ancient Philippine jewelry

When Magallanes landed in Cebu, he wasn't the first European the early Cebuanos have seen. The Portugeuse had visited the island before Magellan, who happened to be a Portuguese but carried with him Spanish men. He was welcomed by then Rajah Humabon, who immediately embraced the Catholic faith. Humabon then convinced Magallanes to fight Lapu-Lapu of a neighboring island because he disliked him. It was a poor judgment because he died there in a description that made him out to be a martyr and a hero and Lapu-Lapu and his men like heathens who slayed him in a scene that that is like those low-rated cannibal movies shot in Brazil which depicted the cannibals like ungraceful savages. The chroniclers happened to be Spaniards.

From: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ferdinand_Magellan

When morning came, forty-nine of us leaped into the water up to our thighs, and walked through water for more than two cross-bow flights before we could reach the shore. The boats could not approach nearer because of certain rocks in the water. The other eleven men remained behind to guard the boats. When we reached land, [the natives] had formed in three divisions to the number of more than one thousand five hundred people. When they saw us, they charged down upon us with exceeding loud cries... The musketeers and crossbow-men shot from a distance for about a half-hour, but uselessly... Recognizing the captain, so many turned upon him that they knocked his helmet off his head twice... A native hurled a bamboo spear into the captain's face, but the latter immediately killed him with his lance, which he left in the native's body. Then, trying to lay hand on sword, he could draw it out but halfway, because he had been wounded in the arm with a bamboo spear. When the natives saw that, they all hurled themselves upon him. One of them wounded him on the left leg with a large cutlass, which resembles a scimitar, only being larger. That caused the captain to fall face downward, when immediately they rushed upon him with iron and bamboo spears and with their cutlasses, until they killed our mirror, our light, our comfort, and our true guide. When they wounded him, he turned back many times to see whether we were all in the boats. Thereupon, beholding him dead, we, wounded, retreated, as best we could, to the boats, which were already pulling off.

I mean, what the heck? 49 Spaniards attacking a community with 1,500 (approximately) men led by a datu who had the reputation as a fierce leader? That's just stupid. So no, Spanish colonization did not happen when Magellan came. It started when a much ruthless conquistador came in the name of Miguel Lopez de Legazpi, a.k.a. El Adelantado. And it did not happen when he first landed in Cebu in Feb. 13, 1565, (actually, they just anchored at sea because pre-modern history Cebuanos did not welcome them), or when he landed in Samar, or  Limasawa, or Bohol where he'd done blood compacts with their datus. The colonization started after Legazpi went back to Cebu in April 27, now with men from the islands he'd befriended, and overpowered the datu who'd challenged them in the first place, then named the first colony "Villa del Santisimo Nombre de Jesús" (Town of the Most Holy Name of Jesus) after finding the Sto. Niño left by Magellan to Humabon's wife. (I wonder if there's a story there. Oh well, lost in time, as well.) I can't help but notice how their use of religion somehow made their conquests romantic. I can't help but not be subjective or not treat this as something personal instead of a history of this part of our world which we can't do anything about. They had just started an era of greed, injustice, death and they were about to erase our history, our story, our identity. Doesn't that make my teeth grit dirt? Oh, yeah. Major major po. Hurr.

OK, be warned. Major ranting next. I've been out of practice but...

How can our pride, our quality of being hospitable to visitors, started our downfall?! While growing up, history books (our own history books) made it seem that when the Spaniards came, our ancestors are like indigenous people who knew nothing about trade, had no cultural roots, had no semblance of education, dirty, used prehistoric tools, uncivilized, and virtually like savage monkeys. Since leaving school I have learned that pre-Spanish Colonial Filipinos were educated, neighborly, good in trade, fierce warriors, industrious, honorable, and civilized. Of course there should be the scraggly ones, as there always are two sides to a coin. But there was a time when I thought that when the Spaniards came (technically, since Magellan was a Portuguese), we're like an archipelago that had existed separate from other nations and had been living in an era that preceded the dinosaurs.

Since then, I have learned that there were royal bloods, the datus who had familial ties to the Maharaja, sheikhs, English royalty through inter-marriages. That our islands, before we became the Philippines, had relations with other countries near us from the Muslim side (because we used to be Muslims), had traded, and inter-married with China, Japan, Saudi Arabia, India, and Malaysia. That because of the monsoon winds, ships that sail followed the silk trade route or the spice route that had been a secret to the Europeans that are geographically far away than the Muslims. That Magellan and his crew weren't the first Europeans who had landed in Cebu because when Magellan landed in Malhou, residents there told them they had already seen men like them before. We weren't isolated from other countries. Our history of trading pre-Spanish colonization might have perished in fire and blood, but accounts of what we had been survived in the annals of these neighboring countries. We had an identity. We had a story. And it has started emerging, slowly, in the present day.

On the other hand, I can make up a story. Remember that this is just a story conjured up by my overactive imagination after trying to read/research about the subject.

foreign merchants visiting zabag

Magellan and his crew came. They obviously need help, sailing that long in turbulent seas and getting "lost" here looking for the Spice Islands. Humabon welcomed them, dined with them, drank with them, changed religion for them. Their stories of this god, their kingdom, their opulence, their warriors, their women, their king and queen, might have put the "natives" into a state of wonder. Or Humabon might have a hidden agenda cooking up his sleeve, like pitting the foreigners with the pesky Lapu-Lapu? Maybe the visitors have told stories about their bravery, their glory, like when ancient European countries rape, kill, and pillage each other for gold and a piece more of muddy land -- which is a kind of trend during the time. Anyway and anyhow, I see two people getting friendly because of ulterior motives. And the story goes.

Then I wonder about the glory of the gold mines that was rumored to come from the kingdoms of Zabag and Sanfotsi, (purported to be the lost ancient Malay kingdom Srivijaya), and Tarshish and Ophir (another location in the East where the Egyptians, and then Solomon and Hiram traded for spice and precious metals). There is a spice route during the ancient times that became possible because of the winter monsoon winds (remember, ships then sailed, which meant they needed wind to be able to go somewhere) that enabled trade ships to follow a route to China and back to Africa via the Philippine corridor in the South China Sea. The secret about the monsoon trade winds had been jealously kept by the Arabs to control spice trade. When the Italians first learned of the monsoons, religion had been a powerful tool in keeping them from using it, meaning they couldn't pass through Muslim territories because Catholics and Muslims had been leery of each other since, well, forever. So it is logical that ancient trading of spices coming from the East should reach Pakistan, Africa, Persia, Greece and Egypt first, before Italy and France, England, Portugal and Spain which was on the other end of the landmass.

According to the annals, Arabs from the East travel the monsoon winds to trade for spices, ivory, and precious metals. Before the Arabs, Egyptians also sent expeditions to the East for same products. Then, of course, there was King Solomon of Israel and King Hiram of Tyre and the mysterious Ophir where they get the same Asian products of spices and precious metals. Their success in trade had ushered them into their respective golden age, while the Europeans were suffering from the dark ages. Asian spices, gems, plants, silver and gold mysteriously appear in Africa from somewhere in the East. If Europeans had heard about the gold mines, they couldn't try to find it by land--they'd be passing Arab/Muslim territories which they couldn't touch. There was a rumor persisting that Magellan was obsessed on finding "Tarsis" and "Ofir" before he finally found a way to sail with a Spanish crew via the other way (Pacific Ocean, discovered after Columbus found the Americas, which he initially thought to be Asia when he was trying to find a way to get to "spices" and  "gold") that landed him in the Visayas. So I wonder, of those who had survived and was able to get back to Spain to report of their journey, what stories had they told?

900AD

Legazpi has a clear vision of his mission. After conquering Cebu, he sent  Goiti to explore the Northern region. He followed with 100 something of his own men, and again, about 600 of Visayans from Panay and Cebu. They arrived in Batangas, and after further exploration, found Manila Bay. After befriending Sultan Tariq Suleiman (Raja Sulayman III), he "asked" to use the bay to establish trade with China, which basically says "I'm going to take your business away from you." Of course, the sultan, who was a vassal under Sultan Bolkiah of Brunei, refused. And with the ruthlessness of a snake, Legazpi now did not ask. He attacked  Manila Bay together with Ilonggo mercenaries and colonized Cebuanos. And here I thought Manila Bay was conquered by a force of Spanish fleets, when actually, it was Visayas who'd conquered Luzon. It's just that Spain took credit. If these two factions only united and faced Legazpi... well, but that's how the story went.

After that, a series of revolts to overthrow the Spaniards and reclaim land and property and sovereignty followed. A number of traitors, too, ran parallel with the revolts. There was Rajah Tupas in the Dagami Revolt, a Filipino woman married to an Spaniard in the Pampanga Revolt, Antonio Surabo of the Tondo Conspiracy -- and oh wait, there's the Magalat Revolt, wherein after being defeated by the Spanish troops, Magalat was executed/assasinated by his own men. by this time I just stopped this direction in my reading.  To make the long story short, the Spaniards used the technique of divide and conquer, and they splendidly succeeded, thank you very much.

Do you know why Pampangueños learned to eat bugs in the forests later on? Spaniards made use of the men to build more ships and more weapons, leaving the women to tend the fields. Employment system and wages were introduced and the bayanihan system became obsolete as a practice because labor now needed to be paid. With women tending the fields, fields yielded less and less crops, reulting into an outbreak of disease and hunger. You can't buy crop when there is no crop, can you? Therefore, bugs.

pre-hispanic map of Philippines

Our system that worked fine before these foreigners came collapsed and died a horrible death, almost without a trace now. Our records, mostly written in dried leaves and barks of trees, and many of our ancient ways have perished in the fires and ransacks, leaving only a few contracts and financial transactions embedded in silver, and gold. Other trademarks and accounts can now be read in annals of ancient Chinese kingdoms that used to be our ancestors' allies. We are the only nation in the world living in a cluster of islands. We are the only nation in the world with many kingdoms located in main islands in this archipelago. This used to protect us from conquering races in the East because they couldn't approach us in stealth--they'd be spotted long before they land. Our junks would have met them on sea, and would sink that ship with everyone on board, including women and children, killed. This was how famously fierce warriors were in ancient Luzon and Visayas. Magellan's ship was an unfortunate event in our history. Following events exposed the very weakness of a divided country, its division unique because we were divided not only due to geography but also of religious beliefs. Legazpi was able to exploit the Visayas because the Rajas had a dispute with the Sultans even before the Spaniards came. Our division led into three hundred years of slavery and total brainwashing that resulted into us without identity, or dignity.

Twenty years ago, I was in college, and Filipinos were then looking for their identity. Twenty years ago, a lot of us still believed that when the Spaniards came, all we were were natives, uneducated indigenous living off of what we get from the forests. Noone really believed pre-Filipinos constructed the ingenious Banaue Rice Terraces, it was easier to believe that visitors from the East came and did them. Ancient kingdoms were considered myths, and pictures of a royal prince and princess wearing royal finery in gold threads is just that, a picture. Noone would really believe our royals were that luxurious.



But now, facts were coming out. We have an identity, an honorable heritage. We weren't just indigenous people living in the forests, mountains and hills but a mixed race of wanderers, traders, missionaries, warriors, engineers and explorers. Though colonization stripped us of our identity and dignity, centuries of suppression did not strip us of our spirit. We remain one of the best colonized nations in the world, wherein we've made use of the good things offered by our conquerors to emerge competitive in the next era that followed after rampant colonization and conquering of territories were phased out. Being exposed to different cultures and races made us flexible when we step out of our country to find greener pastures or to provide better opportunities for our families. Majority of us do not blindly follow religion or priests. We have arrived in a spot wherein much still can be changed for the better. After all our trials, after being purged, we did not emerge the best. We've survived, yes, and not the least.

The best thing is, we are constantly evolving and learning. United, we were able to manage the first, ever, bloodless revolution in the whole world. Millions of French perished in the French Revolution. Millions of Russians perished in the revolution after the fall of the Romanovs. But in our history, millions of Filipinos perished not in the hands of fellow Filipinos, but in the hands of conquering nations. But put the Filipinos to work and they accomplish something luminous. Something that proved what kind of people we are.

We are a nation of children ready to become what Rizal, Bonifacio, and Ninoy see us to be. We are in the dawn of our own enlightenment. We are a race of survivors. We have conquered the conquerors, and now, we are in a race to conquer our internal disease -- not religion, not the machinations of the US (though they're still a shadow in the horizon we must face one day), but our corrupt government, crab mentality, the belief that we're not worthy.

That's what Rizal knew. He knew that given time, education, and rediscovery of what we were, we would be an unstoppable force--a good force that will not waste our time in conquering and owning what others owned but enriching what we already have. We are not perfect. But always, always, we do our best, and improvement has always been marked by unified, collective steps. We stumble from time to time, but you can  never get a good race down.

And that is the truth.

The Filipinos are worth dying for. We're at work forming a new identity. We are a passionate people who will smile in the face of challenges and plow on even when the going gets tougher than tough. We are a universal nation who could get anywhere without losing our home. We are a beautiful race whose beauty lies in innate grace.

We are not perfect, and we make mistakes, but the learning child in us will always save us from disgrace.

Most of all, we are a race who do not go to maim, kill and hurt. We have little depth to pay to the universe, and so much more to collect. We are a nation of today, a citizen of the future. And we will look on to the new world with the enlightened eyes and the ancient understanding of always, an indomitable spirit.    

suggested links for more stories about pre-hispanic Philippines:
http://sambali.blogspot.com/2009_05_08_archive.html
http://www.asiafinest.com/forum/lofiversion/index.php/t217224.html
http://www.asiafinest.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=200263
http://pinoyexchange.com/forums/showthread.php?t=437263

Nicholas and Alexandra: the Classic Account of the Fall of the Romanov Dynasty

Not the last book that I've read. The last was Frostbite of Vampire Academy. But this still haunts me. Remember Princess Anastasia? It's a sad, sad story. Actually, this is a history book, narrative and "novel" like in a way that only Robert K. Massie can manage. If you don't know about the Romanov Dynasty, well, the last family that held Russian monarchy came from the Romanov Dynasty. Yes--that Nicholas and Alexandra. And Anastasia. Though generation X and later would probably remember Anastasia more than anyone of the Romanovs, I would suspect, because of Disney and the controversy of those who'd pretended to be her, because that held more excitement than historical perspective in which the whole family were murdered, including poor Prince Alexei, because people wanted a "better" future. Did they get it?

Here's the synopsis from amazon.com:

The story of the love that ended an empire

In this commanding book, Pulitzer Prize–winning author Robert K. Massie sweeps readers back to the extraordinary world of Imperial Russia to tell the story of the Romanovs’ lives: Nicholas’s political naïveté, Alexandra’s obsession with the corrupt mystic Rasputin, and little Alexis’s brave struggle with hemophilia. Against a lavish backdrop of luxury and intrigue, Massie unfolds a powerful drama of passion and history—the story of a doomed empire and the death-marked royals who watched it crumble.


Should I warn about spoilers? But this is a history book! Oh well, approach on your own discretion.


Tsar Nicholas and Tsarina Alexandra did love each other when they got married. They were good parents, the princesses are well-behaved and humble royals, they loved their little brother very much, and Tsarevich Alexei seem a promise of what a good leader was going to become if he'd lived, even when he's straddled with an illness called hemophilia, which basically doesn't let his blood clot when he's injured and was very, very terrible during his time. But it was a turbulent time, Nicholas happened to be so ignorant, Alexandra happened to be so misguided (and worry for her son compounded it), Rasputin was a wretched, conniving maniac who happened to have a skill on hypnosis... so the story went on its one-way-road-to-perdition.

“They didn't know that they were going to be killed in such a brutal fashion. But toward the end, they began to suspect something like this would happen, and they maintained their faith. They said their prayers. You could say: 'Well, what a silly thing!' or 'How stupid!' But I find it, and I think that many people find it, noble.” - Robert K. Massie

Still, Massie's writing was so realistic that this history became a compelling story and even when one knew exactly how it will end, one finds himself rooting for the family to survive. But of course, they didn't. They still ended up in that basement, got riddled with bullets, were hacked to pieces, burned, thrown into a mine shaft. Jeez, did they have to die that way? Did poor Prince Alexei had to suffer? Then I remembered reading Madame Tussaud and how little Prince Louis of France (Marie Antoinette's son and was supposed to be future king) suffered before he died--which was much, much terrible. At least, Alexei had to suffer for minutes. The little dauphin, sick, cold and hungry, was humiliated, maltreated, not cared for by his captors--for months! Just remembering that history wrenches at the heart! European history seem to be harsh on little boys. The Reign of Terror followed the fall of monarchy in France, remember, wherein millions of French died--royalty, rich, poor--in a kind of witch hunt? The way millions of Russians perished in its Red Terror and White Terror immediately after the killing of the family followed the same blueprint. What's to connect the two? Indecisive king, strong personalities but wrong decisions of the queens, sick dauphin and tsarevich, uneducated and suffering mass that were easily misled by power/fame hungry opportunists, and yes, power/fame hungry opportunists. The result of this mix was already written in history.


I kind of wonder, if we can, you know, throw cable TV, WiFi and cellphones on the mix, what could have happened? Will royal families be better understood by the masses? Will kings be more aware of their subjects' plight? And I shudder as I think how something like these massacres wouldn't have happened during this time and age. Specially in my country (guess I am biased). But then I remember the Maguindanao Massacre--the tinge of politics, power hunger, evilness. And I shudder again.  


I digress. Massie's inspiration in writing the story is hemophilia, which his son has contacted. He wanted to know how other families cope when they have a hemophiliac in the family. Alexei is the most famous hemophiliac, even if he's died in 1918 already (The first edition of this book was published in 1967). And that's when Massie found out how this disease had affected not only this family, but Russia. Rasputin by hypnosis (who would have known during that era?) could stop the bleeding, Empress Alexandra became dependent on him. This "holy monk" was saving her son, and noone could fault him in her eyes. She became easily manipulated--he shows her a different face than when he's with others, generally. But people in the outside knew what a sloth, rapist, manipulative little devil he was. But the emperor couldn't get rid of him (RUssia despised Rasputin) because he was worried about his wife's sanity and his sick son. This made the monarchy's already dangerous footing among its people worse and became the weak point that gave the Bolsheviks ground. Suddenly, mass hysteria wanted the monarchy removed. Leaders of the Reds (Bolsheviks-Communists) executed the whole family to make sure noone would be able to contest when they get in power. The family's death was grisly. As were other Romanovs who weren't able to escape the country before the killings. Ultimately, millions more died in the masses. It was a scar in a nation's history that, until now, has not yet healed.


Massie was able to write other "historical-novels" about Russia after Nicholas and Alexandra. He won the Pulitzer for Peter the Great, then The Romanovs: the Final Chapter after the Soviet Union fell and he was able to gain more information about the development about the Romanovs (like has Anastasia survived or what? She didn't. Those who'd claimed to be her or the little tsarevich were pretends. The bones of the princess and the prince were recovered in another site and had been tested by DNA. They matched.) Massie wrote Catherine the Great which was published last year and was another bestseller. What's best about Massie is that he explores each character so deeply, and then writes about them so engagingly, so personally that they "live" on the pages. You get a feel of them. You get to know them and see where they're coming from. As a historical writer, he's unique in that skill. He happens to believe that personalities of key players has much to do with how history happens, in equal or even more so than the events that affect them, so I would guess that this made him root on the characters and the events were just a consequence. Although some have found faults in Nicholas and Alexandra in that Massie was biased in his rendering and his research, since his original goal had been to research more about hemophilia, his leanings has been more about this disease's effect on the last Romanov family in power, and has not given more insight about the Whites. If you want to know more about Bolshevism, click Wikipedia, for example. Because you wouldn't have a full grasp of it in this book. But truly, in light of the information that this book already has in store for the readers, it in itself is a rich read. You'd want to know more about Russian history, for one. If you think you've studied enough in school, you'll be surprised. Statistics can be found through further research. But statistics couldn't give anyone that much depth this book was able to impart about its characters.


Quotes:

“From the Baltic city of St. Petersburg, built on a river marsh in a far northern corner of the empire, the Tsar ruled Russia.”

"I dreamed that I was loved, I woke and found it true and thanked God on my knees for it. True love is the gift which God has given, daily, stronger, deeper, fuller, purer."

More often, Alexis played with his sisters or by himself. "Luckily," wrote Gilliard, "his sisters liked playing with him. They brought into his life an element of youthful merriment that otherwise would have been sorely missed." Sometimes, by himself, he simply lay on his back staring up at the blue sky. When he was ten, his sister Olga asked him what he was doing so quietly. "I like to think and wonder," said Alexis. "What about?" Olga persisted. "Oh, so many things," he said. "I enjoy the sun and the beauty of summer as long as I can. Who knows whether one of these days I shall not be prevented from doing it?"

          

Rasputin's eyes were the foundation of his power, but when they failed him, he was quick to use his wheedling tongue.

Nowhere was there greater contrast between the effortless lives of the aristocracy and the dark existence of the masses than in Russia. Between the nobility and the peasants lay a vast gulf of ignorance. Between the nobility and the intellectuals there was massive contempt and flourishing hatred. Each considered that if Russia was to survive, the other must be eliminated.

History, with all its sweep and diversity, produces few characters as original and extravagant as Gregory Rasputin. The source and extent of his extraordinary powers will never be fully known; the shadow of this uncertainty perpetually will refresh the legend. The duality of his countenance—the one face peaceful, soothing, offering the blessings of God; the other cynical, crafty, reddened by lust—is the core of his mysterious appeal. In his single, remarkable life, he represents not only the two sides of Russia's history, half compassionate and long-suffering, half savage and pagan, but the constant struggle in every soul between good and evil.

Kerensky once said, "If there had been no Rasputin, there would have been no Lenin." If this is true, it is also true that if there had been no hemophilia, there would have been no Rasputin. This is not to say that everything that happened in Russia and the world has stemmed entirely from the personal tragedy of a single boy. It is not to overlook the backwardness and restlessness of Russian society, the clamor for reform, the strain and battering of a world war, the gentle, retiring nature of the last Tsar. All of these had a powerful bruising impact on events. Even before the birth of the Tsarevich, autocracy was in retreat.

Here, precisely, is the point. Had it not been for the agony of Alexis's hemophilia, had it not been for the desperation which made his mother turn to Rasputin, first to save her son, then to save the pure autocracy, might not Nicholas II have continued retreating into the role of constitutional monarch so happily filled by his cousin King George V? It might have happened, and, in fact, it was in this direction that Russian history was headed.

Why Lenin triumphed, why Nicholas failed, why Alexandra placed the fate of her son, her husband and his empire in the hands of a wandering holy man, why Alexis suffered from hemophilia—these are the true riddles of this historical tale. All of them have answers except, perhaps, the last.

 ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

11/22/63 by Stephen King

Synopsis from goodreads.com:

On November 22, 1963, three shots rang out in Dallas, President Kennedy died, and the world changed forever. 

If you had the chance to change the course of history, would you? Would the consequences be worth it? 

Jake Epping is a thirty-five-year-old high school English teacher in Lisbon Falls, Maine, who makes extra money teaching adults in the GED program. He receives an essay from one of the students—a gruesome, harrowing first person story about the night 50 years ago when Harry Dunning’s father came home and killed his mother, his sister, and his brother with a hammer. Harry escaped with a smashed leg, as evidenced by his crooked walk. 

Not much later, Jake’s friend Al, who runs the local diner, divulges a secret: his storeroom is a portal to 1958. He enlists Jake on an insane—and insanely possible—mission to try to prevent the Kennedy assassination. So begins Jake’s new life as George Amberson and his new world of Elvis and JFK, of big American cars and sock hops, of a troubled loner named Lee Harvey Oswald and a beautiful high school librarian named Sadie Dunhill, who becomes the love of Jake’s life—a life that transgresses all the normal rules of time. 

Explore the Possibilities...

Review:

I am not American, so I won't pretend to get the hype Americans feel about JFK's death even after reading the sentiments about how different things could have been had he not died. I would  imagine it'll be like how Filipinos feel about Jose Rizal's or Ninoy Aquino's deaths. Still, Filipinos are psyched a different way, and I would not expect for many of us to have the desire to go back and save any one of them in want of a different future.

Setting that aside, I do know Stephen King (who the hell wouldn't?). His books used to be interspersed with Robert Ludlum's and J.R.R. Tolkien's in the mess of books near the bed when I was in college. But then life went ahead of me and in trying to run it down, I'd left a lot of things behind--including reading my favorite writers. And it feels so good to read a Stephen King again, even if I had to do this in compliance to a job. Hehe. Great job, eh?

*There might be spoilers so read at your own peril*

It's been a long time... and it's worth going back! The book is great and unputdownable. Following two plot-lines in a story (Jake Epping's personal journey and finding love unexpectedly; and the time travel plot-line) would have been confusing for any other book or any less-experienced but Stephen King managed not to confound. I was engaged the whole time (reason why all work stopped for the day), as the world stopped for a while until I finish this book. The way the world turned out after Jake meddled in the past is just as reasonable for readers of this present era after everything that's known now  about physics, metaphysics, and nature's physics, so his  premise about the past being "obdurate" feels right, that it fights back, because it should. Events happened, has naturally had consequences, and then someone went back and changed it, therefore  consequences got magnified--this methodology, this argument makes sense to me. Then his meticulous research resulting to the '50's and '60's being described so faithfully and artistically made it feel like I'm there. Every little detail felt like a gift given by a kind perfectionist to his beloved readers. 

Characters from his other books ("It", "The Langoliers") made me want to go back to those books again. 

And the romance that Jake finds was the most wonderful surprise! Stephen King writes romance! He's romantic! The ending is just simply sensitive and heartbreaking and so satisfying. It wasn't pretentious at all. It made me sob my way out of the story--soo embarrassing. So nostalgic. Thank you, Mr. Joe Hill, for the inspiration and for convincing your dad to use that ending. It is beautiful.

Literary snobs get snobbed. Stephen King is great in this book even when it's a genre the "Master of Horror" didn't use to write. He'd said in an interview that his greatest desire as a writer is to entertain. He's an entertainer. Why write horror? As if he's had a choice, he'd answered. But the one time he's tried to choose another genre, he proved once and for all he's got what it takes to be king.

Highly recommended book not just for loyal SK readers, but other readers, Americans and non-American alike.   

A Few Quotations to Share...   

1. Kennedy entered, waving to the standing audience, an elderly gentleman in an Alpine hat and lederhosen struck up “Hail to the Chief” on an accordion bigger than he was. The president did a double take, then lifted both hands in an amiable holy shit gesture. For the first time I saw him as I had come to see Oswald—as an actual man. In the double take and the gesture that followed it, I saw something even more beautiful than a sense of humor: an appreciation for life’s essential absurdity.

2. “...stupidity is one of the two things we see most clearly in retrospect. The other is missed chances.” 

3. For a moment everything was clear, and when that happens you see that the world is barely there at all. Don't we all secretly know this? It's a perfectly balanced mechanism of shouts and echoes pretending to be wheels and cogs, a dreamclock chiming beneath a mystery-glass we call life. Behind it? Below it and around it? Chaos, storms. Men with hammers, men with knives, men with guns. Women who twist what they cannot dominate and belittle what they cannot understand. A universe of horror and loss surrounding a single lighted stage where mortals dance in defiance of the dark.

4. “I know life is hard, I think everyone knows that in their hearts, but why dos it have to be cruel, as well? Why does it have to bite?” 

5. I had been hobbled, perhaps even crippled by a pervasive internet society I had come to depend on and take for granted... hit enter and let Google, that twenty-first century Big Brother, take care of the rest. 

       

     In the Derry of 1958, the most up-to-date computers were the size of small housing developments, and the local paper was no help. What did that leave? I remembered a sociology prof I’d had in college - a sarcastic old bastard - who used to say, When all else fails, give up and go to the library.

6. If there is love, smallpox scars are as pretty as dimples. I'll love your face no matter what is looks like. Because it's yours. 

7. She speaks in a voice almost too low to be heard over the music, but I hear her—I always did. “Who are you, George?”

     “Someone you knew in another life, honey.”

     Then the music takes us, the music rolls away the years, and we dance. 

Vampire Academy 1 - Vampire Academy - by Richelle Mead

St. Vladimir's Academy isn't just any boarding school–-it's a hidden place where vampires are educated in the ways of magic and half-human teens train to protect them. Rose Hathaway is a Dhampir, a bodyguard for her best friend Lissa, a Moroi Vampire Princess. They've been on the run, but now they're being dragged back to St. Vladimir's–the very place where they're most in danger. Rose and Lissa become enmeshed in forbidden romance, the Academy's ruthless social scene, and unspeakable nighttime rituals. But they must be careful lest the Strigoi–the world's fiercest and most dangerous vampires–make Lissa one of them forever.   - from Amazon.com

Mini-review:

Vampire Academy, first book in Richelle Mead's Vampire Academy series.
Young Adult, romance, vampire, teens, paranormal
Published by Razorbill

This is a new discovery for me... I know, I know, late comer! I cannot understand why I just found out about this now. I love the book because it is inspired by actual Romanian Myth about two kinds of vampires--the living, good vampire or the Moroi, and the evil undead vampire or the Strigoi. Richelle Mead, a lover of folklore and mythology since a kid, has created a world that has started to live in this first book. Rose Hathaway is a compelling and refreshing character; there's a uniquely strong friendship between her and Lissa; and most of all, Vladimir and Christian are kind of hot! The ending is the total cliffhanger and I have to remind myself that I have work to finish first before I pick up the next book! Hard to put down and well-worth devouring up to the last page. Recommend it to my daughters, though I will have to explain that Damphirs are a totally different kind of breed and they (my daughters) can't have boyfriends until they're in their twenties!

You can read an excerpt here.

Update:

I have finished the Vampire Academy Series, have read Bloodlines, have finished Succubus Series, and now in the last book of the Dark Swan Series. I just can't stop to post what I think. After Shadow Heir, then I'll come back. But I miss Rose! And Georgina!   

Fave Quotes:

"I was crushing on my mentor. Crushing on my older mentor. I had to be out of my mind. He was seven years older than me. Old enough to be my…well, okay, nothing. But still older than me. Seven years was a lot. He'd been learning to write when I was born. When I'd been learning to write and throw books at my teachers, he'd probably been kissing girls. Probably lots of girls, considering how he looked."

"I couldn't be Mason's girlfriend because when I imagined someone holding me and whispering dirty things in my ear, he had a Russian accent."

"Exaggerate stories about people's families? Say that you hate me? Pretend to be friends with people you think are stupid? Date a guy you don't like?”

"I like him.”

"Like or like?”

"Oh, there's a difference?”

"Yes. Like is when you date a big, blond moron and laugh at his stupid jokes.”

Then, out of nowhere, he leaned forward and kissed her. It was hot and fast and furious, an outpouring of the rage and passion and longing that Christian always kept locked inside of him. Lissa had never been kissed like that, and I felt her respond to it, respond to him—how he made her feel so much more alive than Aaron or anyone else could.

Christian pulled back from the kiss but still kept his face next to hers.

"That's what you do with someone you like.”

"Why did you lie?" I murmured again.

Still holding me in his arms, he looked down at me. I could hear voices and footsteps getting closer.

"Because we can't be together.”

"Because of the age thing, right?" I asked. "Because you're my mentor?”

His fingertip gently wiped away a tear that had escaped down my cheek. "That's part of it," he said. "But also…well, you and I will both be Lissa's guardians someday. I need to protect her at all costs. If a pack of Strigoi come, I need to throw my body between them and her.”

"I know that. Of course that's what you have to do." The black sparkles were dancing in front of my eyes again. I was fading out.

"No. If I let myself love you, I won't throw myself in front of her. I'll throw myself in front of you.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Out of Eden

Teaser:


Hindi pa man personal na nagkikilala, matagal nang inis si Stelle kay Andrew—ang binatang apo ng mabait na kaibigan niyang si Lola Mariz. Sa tingin kasi niya ay pinapabayaan nito ang abuela. Laging nangangako ang binata na dadalawin ang matanda, pero hindi natutuloy iyon.
Sa wakas ay nakilala niya ito. She never thought he was so handsome. Pero nadagdagan ang inis niya rito dahil sa paninisi nito sa kanya sa diumano ay pagsulsol niya sa lola nito para bilhin ang isang building.
Pero sa paglipas ng mga araw, nalaman din nito na inosente siya sa ibinibintang nito. Doon na sumidhi ang atraksiyong nadama niya rito mula pa noong unang makita niya ito. Hindi na niya maiwasang ma-curious sa mga bagay na dati ay nababasa lang niya. Suddenly, she was curious to discover things about romance. Dahil sa edad na twenty-four—at bilang isang dating nobisyada—wala pa siyang praktikal na kaalaman tungkol sa pag-ibig.

Chapter ONE

PAREHONG HANGGANG TEYNGA ang ngiti nina Moreistelle at Lola Mariz nang pumasok sa pinto ng unang palapag ng three-storey building na iyon. Nagtatawanan din silang parang mga bata. Pero ang excitement ni Stelle ay para kay Lola Mariz. Mukha nito ang nagsasabing para silang nakapasok sa isang minahan ng ginto. Sa mga sandaling iyon, hula niya’y nakikita na nito ang pangarap nitong antique shop sa bakanteng space na dati’y computer shop nang dating may-ari ng building.

Ngayon ay si Lola Mariz na ang may-ari niyon.

Nagniningning ang mga mata nito nang ibaling ang tingin sa kanya. “Totoo na talaga ito, Iha, right? Akin na talaga ito?”

“Opo. Inyong inyo na talaga ito, bago kong landlady!”

Napalo siya nito sa braso. “Puro ka kalokohan! Kung hindi ka lang bayad na in advance sa dati mong landlord hindi na kita pagbabayarin. Kung tutuusin ako pa ang may utang sa ‘yo. Dahil sa ‘yo, malaki ang natipid ko sa sale.”

“Masaya na akong nakatulong kahit papaano na matupad n’yo na sa wakas ang pangarap n’yo,” aniya. “Ikot tayo? Excited na akong marinig ang mga plano n’yo.”

“Oo! Hindi na ako makapaghintay magsimula!”

Naabala sila sa diskusyon nang magandang kulay na ipipinta sa mga dingding at kung anong klase ng antiques ang idi-display sa kung saang parte nang maluwang at maaliwalas na shop.

Kaninang umaga lamang nagkabayaran at nagkapirmahan. Dahil limang taong naka-lease sa kanya ang apartment sa ikalawang floor, mananatili siyang tenant ng building sa kabila nang pagbabago ng pagmamay-ari niyon. Doon na siya nakatira sa loob nang tatlong taon mula noong magtrabaho siya sa Koronal City bilang chief editor sa pinaka-circulated na newspaper sa lunsod at radio commentator naman sa pinakamatandang radio station.

Nakilala niya si Lola Mariz nang maging suki siya ng crafts and second hand books shop na pagmamay-ari ng kaibigan nito at katabi rin lang ng bahay nitong tinitirhan. Nagpipinta si Stelle sa kanyang spare time at doon siya bumibili ng kanyang art supplies. Iyong mga nakilala pa niyang mga public personalities dito sa lunsod dahil sa kanyang trabaho ay kaibigan din nito o may koneksyon dito kaya bukod sa shop ay madalas din silang magtagpo sa ibang mga lugar. Active sa civic duties si Lola Mariz.  Ang pamilya nito, ang mga Meneses, ay tubong Koronal at isa raw sa dating pinakamayaman at pinakarerespeto. Kung hindi siya nagkakamali, ang ama o lolo yata ni Lola Mariz ay dating governor dito habang may iba pa itong mga kamag-anak na may mga posisyon sa provincial government sa kasalukuyan.

Isang biyuda, meron itong nag-iisang apo na hindi pa niya nakikilala. Isang abogado, sa Maynila ito nakabase at bihirang bihirang bumisita. Ang nag-iisa naman nitong anak at asawa nito, unfortunately, ay namatay na bata pa man ang apo nito kaya ito at asawa nito ang nagpalaki sa lalaki.

 Nang matuklasan niyang ipagbibili nang dating may-ari ang gusaling ito, agad niyang pinaalam iyon kay Lola Mariz. Magma-migrate na sa States ang dating may-ari ng building. Kinausap niya si Lola Mariz kung interesado itong rentahan itong commercial space. Maganda ang lokasyon ng building, ilang bloke lang ang layo sa commercial hub ng city proper tapos hindi magulo at maingay ang kalsadang kinabibilangan. Nilalakad din lang iyon mula sa bahay nito. Kung makakahanap siya ng buyer, hihilingin niyang ikonsiderang iparenta kay Lola Mariz iyon.

The next day, na-shock siya nang sabihin nito sa kanyang bibilhin nito ang building at kung pwede, mag-set siya ng appointment sa may-ari! She did so but only because her friends had supported her with the decision. Ang nakakaasiwa sa kanya ay ang hindi pagsipot ng apo nito para samahan ito kanina sa sale gaya nang usapan ng mga ito, dahilan kung bakit siya lang ang kasama nito. Hindi diniretsa ni Lola pero hindi sang-ayon si Attorney sa sale.

“Pa’no ang apartment sa third floor? Gusto n’yo bang tulungan ko kayong ihanap ‘yon ng rerenta?” tanong niya. Ginagamit ng landlord dati ang apartment na iyon. Isinama na nito sa bentahan iyong mga muwebles.

Umiling ito. “Naka-reserved na ang apartment na ‘yon para kay Andrew. Gusto kong surpresahin siya pagdating n’ya rito nang sarili niyang space. That way, hindi na siya magtatakas ng oras ng trabaho sa ‘kin.” Workaholic ang apo nito kaya hindi raw makauwi nang madalas.

Gusto niyang umismid. Laging nasisira ang pangakong bakasyon ng lalaking iyon kaya ang hirap maniwala. Kesyo hangga’t hindi raw nakukuhang partner sa firm na pinagtatrabahuhan nito ay naka-focus lamang ito sa trabaho. Pasko na nga lang nakakabisita, nagbabaon pa ng trabaho.

Trabaho nga lang kaya ang dahilan kung bakit hindi ito makauwi lagi? May hitsura ito sa mga pictures nito. Matangkad, gwapo, at mestiso. Malakas ang dating. His profession as a lawyer would be particularly appealing to women, too. It’s but rational that he would have women lovers for his free time. Sabi pa naman ni Lola, habulin daw ng babae ang apo nito. 

“Stelle, tingnan mo ito. Tamang tama itong pwesto para sa mga antique figurines na gusto kong itinda,” tawag sa kanya ni Lola Mariz sa isang sulok ng shop. Lumapit siya rito at agad na sumang-ayon sa ideya nito.

Nagdatingan ang mga kaibigan nito para i-congratulate si Lola Mariz sa bentahan at tuluyan nang nagkaingay. Reluctant siyang nagpaalam para dahil may naiwan pa siyang trabaho sa office. Muli, nayakap siya ng matanda sa tulong niya bago siya makaalis. Nakangiti pa siya nang makasakay na sa kotse niya.

Masaya talaga si Lola Mariz kahit hindi dumating ang unreliable nitong apo at iyon ang mahalaga.  Hindi ang Atty. Andrew Meneses na iyon. Aba, hindi kailangan ni Lola Mariz ang lalaking iyon dahil narito naman sila.

Marami yata itong reliable at supportive na mga kaibigan dito, ‘no?

HABANG PABABA sa kanyang kotse nang hapong iyon, napansin niya agad na bukas ang pinto ng first floor shop.

Napangiti siya. Excited talaga si Lola Mariz. Pabalik-balik sa shop nito. Sa halip tuloy na dumiretso sa hagdan paakyat sa mga apartments ay napadiretso siya sa bukas na pinto. Pero napatigil siya nang makarinig ng tinig nang isang lalaki.

Correction. Iritadong tinig nang isang lalaki.  

“Lola, ilang araw lang ang hiniling ko. Sabi ko sa inyo sa phone, hintayin n’yo ako bago kayo magdesisyong bilhin ang building na ‘to. I was late for half a day!”

“At sinabi ko rin sa ‘yo, anuman ang sabihin mo, nakapagdesisyon na ako. I tried to wait for you but only so you can come with me to the sale pero hindi ka dumating kaya si Stelle na lang ang sumama sa ‘kin.”

“Still, sana hinintay n’yo pa rin ako. Pinilit kong mapaaga ang leave ko para makarating ako agad dito.”

“You think I can’t make my own decisions? Nagbigay na ba ako ng impresyon na senile na ako, Andrew?”

Napahawak siya sa bibig nang mapangiti dahil sa pagmamalaki kay Lola Mariz. O, napala mo. Por que abogado ka, akala mo kaya mong i-bulldozer ang lola mo.

Syempre, alam na niya kung sino ang lalaki. Sino pa kundi ang laging absent na apo, ang attorney, si Andrew! Kung hindi ba naman talaga unreliable. Kung hindi absent, late. Tapos maghahanap pa nang ibang masisisi?

Hay. Looked like Lola Mariz could take care of herself. Nagsimula siyang umurong. Kaso, noon naman siya nakita ni Lola.

“Oh, good! You’re here, Stelle! Halika, ipakikilala kita sa apo ko.”

Drat. Hindi niya gustong makilala ang apo nito. Lalo na ngayon na mukhang maghahanap pa ito nang ibang excuse para ma-justify ang incompetence nito sa pag-aalaga sa lola nito. Pero wala siyang choice at matapos ang isang buntunghininga ay nagpatuloy siya sa pagtungo sa bukas na soon-to-be antique shop.

Noon lumabas sa likod nang nakabalandrang shelf ang isang nakatiim-bagang na lalaki, namumula sa magkahalong inis at pagkapahiya at nakatutok ang mga mata sa kanya na parang mga laser beams.

Namalayan na lang ni Stelle na kumakabog ang dibdib niya. Para siyang tumakbo nang milya-milya. Una dahil sa furious nitong tingin. Pangalawa dahil hindi naging reliable kahit mga pictures nito sa totoong Andrew.

Napakagwapo nito, sobra matatawag na itong napakaganda. Matangkad, makisig ang katawan, at nakakamagneto ang… anong tawag doon? Sex appeal. But she was looking at him with not just a woman’s eyes—however innocent those eyes might have been until now. She was also looking at him as the artist, the painter. At nangangati ang mga kamay niyang ipinta ito.

Until she realized the way he was looking at her. At alam niyang kahit bayaran siya, hindi niya ipipinta ang lalaki. Ever.

Nakakita na nang iba pang mapagbubuntunan ng sisi ang binata sa nangyari ngayong araw sa lola nito.

Malinaw na malinaw, walang iba iyon kundi siya.

AMINADO SI Andrew, nagulat siya nang makaharap na sa wakas ang taong dahilan kung bakit nilustay ng kanyang lola ang savings nito sa bangko para bumili nang isang buong building na hindi naman nito gagamitin. Hindi lang nagulat—shocked siya. Ito si Moreistelle Santos? He thought the woman would be old, o kaya at least may edad na.  Isang plain na manang na malapit sa edad ng lola niya. Pero hindi. Ang babaeng nasa harap niya ngayon ay halatang nasa middle twenties na. At walang plain dito.

Napakaganda ni Moreistelle Santos. Totoong napakaganda. Pretty eyes, good bone structure, at hugis pusong mukha—mas nababagay sa isang anghel sa halip na sa isang manggagantso.

Kaya naman pala nauto nito ang lola niya. With a face like that, she could fool anyone. Hindi na siya magtataka kung bakit napakadali nitong naloko kahit edukadong mga tao. Gaya ng lola niya at mga kaibigan nito.

Sa suot nitong ismarteng puting blouse at pants, she resembled a cool executive, right smack in the hallways of those tall corporate buildings. Anong ginagawa nito dito sa Koronal at sa lumang building nang isang matanda nang newspaper bilang editor-in-chief? Bakit pinili nitong dito manirahan nang mag-isa kaysa sa Manila kung saan mas maraming oportunidad sa karera at social life?

Pinakilala sila ni Lola Mariz sa isa’t isa at kung hindi dahil na kunot sa noo nito, hindi siya makikipagkamay sa babae. Tapos kahit sa handshake nito ay wala siyang maipula. Isang malambot at makinis na balat ang nag-register sa utak niya... firm grip, warm handshake. Iyong klase ng handshake na katiwa-tiwala.

Hell, if he didn’t know any better, she could easily fool him, too.

“Andrew?”

Napatingin siya sa tawag ng lola niya. Nakamata ito sa kamay niya. Talo pa niya ang sinindihan nang ma-realized niyang hawak pa niya ang kamay ni Stelle. Nahila tuloy niya iyon na parang nakuryente!

“I’m sorry,” aniya. She just stared back at him, very cool, habang nag-aalab ang mukha niya! Siya, na kayang humarap sa mga criminals sa korte nang hindi pinagpapawisan dahil alam niyang nasa panig siya ng hustisya at tumitig sa mga mata ng mga ito nang hindi kumukurap. “I must have floated off somewhere. I do that when I’m tired.”

Jeez, kahit sa sarili niya, he sounded stupid. He cringed at his Lola’s pointed look.

“Pasensya ka na, Iha. Nagdiretso na kasi kami rito pagdating niya kaya hindi pa siya nakapagpapahinga.”

Nang bumaling sa lola niya, tumamis ang ngiti ni Moreistelle. “Okay lang po. Sige, Lola. Aakyat na ako. May kailangan din akong kunin bago ang slot ko sa radyo.” Muli ay nawalan ng init ang ngiti nito nang tumingin sa kanya. “Sige, Andrew. Nice meeting you.”

“Ikaw rin,” aniya.

Liar, sita sa kanya nang isang tinig.

Pareho lang kami, ‘no?

Naramdaman ni Andrew ang hawak ng lola niya sa braso niya. “Don’t worry, hindi ka nag-iisa. She does that to people,” anito sa nanunudyong tinig.

“Ano ‘yon, ’La?” inosente niyang tanong.

Nagniningning ang mga mata nito. “Hus! Kunwari ka pa!”

Namula siya. “I thought I do that to people,” maktol niya sa mababang tinig. “Hindi n’yo sinabing gan’on pala kaganda ang kaibigan n’yo.”

Iningusan siya nito. “Malalaman mo sa susunod na mga araw na hindi lang pisikal ang maganda kay Stelle. She’s not someone you can easily meddle with or… or you can… dazzle with your good looks.”

“Dazzle?” nakaangat ang isang kilay niyang tanong.

“Watching too much Tru Blood on HBO,” anito. “Anyway, ngayon pa lang ay binabalaan na kita para hindi ka mapahiya—tutal apo naman kita. Iyong napakagandang babaeng katatapos mo lang makilala, minsan ay muntik nang nagmadre. D’on pa lang, you should know that she’s not your average Jane.” 

Katatapos palang tumayo ang hasang niya sa nauna nitong sinabi—halos lahat na yata ng karakter sa Tru Blood, nakapaghubad na—natunganga naman siya sa sumunod na impormasyon.

Pero bago siya makabawi, nagpalit ng topic ang lola niya. “O ano? Tayo na para makapagpahinga ka na. Huwag mo na akong awayin tungkol sa building na ito, Andrew, dahil wala ka na rin namang magagawa.”

Nakatiim ang mga bagang na sumunod siya sa lola niya noong nilisan nila ang building para umuwi. To think he was ecstatic yesterday after receiving his partnership in the firm, isang surpresa na hindi pa niya nababanggit sa lola niya dahil sa masamang balitang dinatnan niya—na binili na nito iyong building. Ni hindi pa rin niya nasasabi rito na isang buwan ang bakasyon ito at mula ngayon, makauuwi na siya nang madalas. Naunahan kasi siya nito sa pagbabalita nang “maganda” nitong balita.

He could still use his surprise to save the remaining of this day, naisip niya matapos ma-assess ang sitwasyon. Halatang na-divert ang panenermon ng lola niya sa kanyang pagkatulala sa kaibigan nito. For that, he was grateful. 

Pero hindi sa babaeng iyon. Ngayong hindi na niya ito kaharap, medyo nabawasan na ang kanyang pagkamangha rito. He would be ready the next time. Mahirap tanggapin na wala na nga siyang magagawa tungkol sa bentahan, but he would make sure she would pay for every single cent his lola has splurged on this disastrous investment.

One way or another.

Chapter TWO

BLAG! BLAGADAG-BLAG!

Nagmulat muna nang isang mata si Stelle, sunod ay kabila. Panaginip lang ba, o totoong may bumagsak na kung anong mabigat sa labas ng pinto ng kanyang apartment?

Blag! Blagadag-dag!

Napabalikwas na siya, napapaungol dahil may hinala siya kung sinong talipandas ang nambubwisit sa labas. Bukod sa kanila ni Lola Mariz, may isa pang may hawak ng susi ng duplicate sa bakal na gate sa baba. At sigurado siyang hindi si Lola ang gumagawa ng racket.

Sinulyapan niya ang relos sa wall ng kwarto niya. Namilog ang kanyang mga mata bago nagsingkitan ang mga iyon.

Alas-tres ng umaga?

Utang na loob, ha?!

Tuluyan na siyang bumangon, inis na inis. What was his problem? Hanggang ngayon ba, siya pa rin ang sinisisi nito sa kapalpakan nito?

Tinawagan siya ni Lola kahapon sa office para sabihing nagbalik sa Maynila ang apo nito para kunin ang mga nakalimutan dahil sa pagmamadaling makauwi matapos mabasa ang text message tungkol sa bentahan. Na pagbalik daw nito, na kagabi dapat, ay sa apartment sa taas na ito tutuloy. Na isang buwan ang bakasyon nito sa Koronal at dahil partner na ito sa law firm na pinagtatrabahuhan ay madalas na itong makakauwi dito, at na tutulong daw ang lalaki sa paghahanda ng shop para sa opining niyon in three weeks time.

Hindi siya makapaniwala gaya nang dati pero dahil sobrang saya ni Lola Mariz, lumambot na rin ang puso niya. Alam niyang ikalulungkot ni Lola Mariz kung mahahalata nitong inis pa rin siya sa apo nito at alam niya ang hindi nito direktang hinihiling sa pagtawag nito.

Therefore, for the sweet old lady, she decided to welcome her grandson graciously… like a decent neighbor should. Kaya naman niyang gawin iyon. Bakit hindi? Pasasaan ba’t mauunawaan din ng aroganteng iyon na wala talaga siyang kasalanan sa nangyari.

Kaso, napuyat na nga siya sa kahihintay dito kagabi dahil hindi naman ito dumating, heto’t inistorbo pa nito ang tulog niya. Pakiramdam ni Stelle, umuusok ang mga teynga niya habang nagmamartsa sa pinto. Naririnig pa rin niya ito sa labas pero sumilip muna siya sa peephole para makasiguro.

Sa labas, nakita niya ang isang matangkad na lalaki, may bitbit na dalawang maleta sa magkabilang kamay at malaking gym bag sa isang balikat. It was him, alright. Pero hindi lang iyon ang napansin niya. Nakita niyang hirap itong nagmamaniobra sa makipot na hallway patungong hagdan habang nagtatapon nang naaasiwang tingin sa kanyang pinto.

Napawi ang inis niya. He’d been careless, pero hindi nito sinadyang gisingin siya. Bakit ba kasi ang dami nitong dala? Anong binalikan nito sa Maynila, buong opisina nito? Wala ba itong laptop at flash drives?

Nagbubuntunghininga, binuksan niya ang pinto. Parang on cue ay bumagsak na naman ang isang maleta.

Both of them cringed.

Mabilis nito iyong ni-recover sa sahig.

“I’m sorry, Moreistelle. Nagising ba kita?” tanong nito habang inaaninag siya sa doorway.

“At ang buong block,” mapakla niyang sagot habang itinutukod ang isang braso sa frame ng pinto. “Anong ginagawa mo?”

“Inaakyat ko itong mga maleta ko sa taas.” Obviously, kulang lang sa tono nito.

“Wala bang balikan ‘yon? Hindi ba pwedeng isa-isa?”

Minataan siya nito. “I’m too tired for sarcasm. Pwedeng bukas na lang?”

Napameywang siya dahil sa tono nito. “Excuse me… inistorbo mo ang tulog ko, ikaw pa ang masungit.”

“Well, I’m sorry! I’ve had a long day and a tiring long drive home. I just want to place these bags somewhere and crash. Kaya kung pwede, bukas na natin ituloy ang ating chat?”

Nag-register sa kanya iyong isang salita sa huli nitong mga sinabi—tinawag nitong home ang Koronal.

May parang pumisil sa puso niya.

His lola would have been delighted to hear that.

At natunaw na naman ang kanyang fickle na puso.

Matapos ang isang malalim na buntunghininga, iniwan niya ang kanyang doorway. “Akin’ang isa.”

Duda siya nitong tiningnan. “Anong ginagawa mo?”

Napameywangan niya ito. “Tama nga lang na abogado ka. Masyado kang mapagduda. Wala akong balak na masama sa ‘yo kaso ako lang ang nag-iisang neighbor mo dito kaya ako lang ang maoobligang tumulong sa ‘yo. Kagabi pa kita hinihintay dahil ibinilin ka ni Lola at actually, napuyat nga ako dahil sa ‘yo. Tutal, ginising mo na ako, eh ‘di lubus-lubusin mo na ang pang-iistorbo mo dahil wala nang ulitan ito.”

“But I don’t need your help,” protesta nito.

“Hindi mo ba naintindihan? Hindi ko ginagawa ito para sa ‘yo kundi para sa lola mo. Saka nakalimutan mo na bang mababait nang di-hamak ang mga tagarito kaysa sa mga taga-Maynila?”

“Hindi ba’t galing kang Manila?” sarkastiko nitong paalala. 

Nagulat siya na alam nito. So, he had asked about her. And if he had asked about her, malamang na alam na nitong wala siyang kasalanan sa sale. Nginitian niya ito nang matamis. “And where do I live now?”

Parang sasagot pa sana ito pero sa sumunod na sandali ay isinara nito ang bibig at parang bugnot na isinuko sa kanya iyong mas maliit na maleta. Saka nito i-pl-in-aster ang sarili sa dingding para mauna siyang makadaan patungong hagdan.

Lumampas naman siya, hindi halos nag-iisip, mas relieved na tinanggap nito ang tulong kaysa sungitan siyang muli.

What happened next was embarrassing.

Dahil sikip, sumabit ang hawak niyang maleta sa maleta nito at nabagsak iyon sa sahig—sa mga toes nitong exposed sa suot na leather sandals! “Aww!” sambit nito sabay yuko. Kaso, napayuko rin siya dahil hinabol niya iyong maleta. Nag-umpugan ang kanilang mga ulo. “Aww!” pakli niya sabay sapo sa noo niya.

Pagkatapos, nagkatinginan sila nang masama.

“Won’t you be careful?” angil nito.

“Kung mauna ka na kaya sa hagdan? Ang sikip, eh,” inis niyang suhestyon. Alam niyang namumula siya pero okay lang dahil ganoon din ito. This thing was getting ridiculous but if she would laugh, baka lalo itong mainis. Mukhang wala pa itong tulog.

Na-relieved siya noong sumunod ito nang wala nang ibang maanghang na sinabi. Matapos ang pagbelat sa likod nito, umakyat na rin siya.

Pero sa anggulong iyon ay may hindi naiwasang matambad sa kanya.

His sexy butt.

Hindi niya gustong isipin kung bakit alam niya na seksi iyon—must be one of those things that you just know. Nag-alab lalo ang mga pisngi niya. Ang dami niyang natututunang bago mula nang makilala niya ito. Mga leksyong hindi siya sigurado kung gusto niyang matutunan.

Noong bata pa siya, markado na ang katigasan ng ulo niya kapag alam niyang tama siya, ugaling pinag-alala ng mga magulang nila ni Illiac—na kakambal niya—bago siya pumasok sa kumbento dahil alam ng mga ito ang kaistriktihan ng mga batas at norms sa loob. Pero bata pa siya ay tanggap na niyang magmamadre siya. Natural lang, alam niyang hindi siya mag-aasawa kaya parang na-program niya ang isip na hindi isipin ang opposite sex sa romantikong aspeto kahit pa may mga sumubok manligaw sa kanya sa school noon. Nang dumating ang panahon ng pagpasok niya sa kumbento, sumunod siya. Nakainsulto pa sa kanya na nagulat ang kanilang mga kaanak. They were so sure she wouldn’t go through with it.

Mahalaga yata sa kanya ang naging pangako ng mga magulang niya para mabuhay silang mag-iina sa delikado nitong pagbubuntis sa kanila ni Illiac. Bakit nagtaka pa ang mga ito?

Pero pari na si Illiac ngayon habang siya...

Gaya nang dati, iniwas niya ang isip sa masakit na alaala at ibinalik ang sarili sa kasalukuyan.

Saka napangiwi.

Nagdududa na kasi siya sa nangyayari sa kanya. For the first time ever, nagkakaroon na siya ng clue tungkol sa bagay na iyon na normal sa iba pero hindi sa kanya. Iyong sa mga libro at sa movies lang niya nauunawaan pero hindi sa tunay na buhay. They called it physical attraction. She wasn’t sure she liked it.

Sa dinami-dami naman ng mga lalaki, bakit dito pa? Halos nahuhulaan na niya ang mangyayari kung malalaman nito. May suspetsa siyang mahihirapan siya. She could barely understand the merits of dating with just observing it. Paano pa kung totoong involved ang damdamin niya?

Marami na siyang kaibigan ngayon sa Koronal City pero iyong iilang mga pagkakataon na nagpaunlak siya sa date, she’d been bored to death. There was this game that she couldn’t get. Bakit kailangang umarte? Bakit kailangang magsuot ng masks? She couldn’t understand those masks. Kung gusto mo ang isang tao, bakit mo kokontrolin? Bakit mo mamaniobrahin? Bakit hindi na lang ipakita ang totoo? Bakit hindi pwedeng ipakita agad ang weaknesses at laging kailangang magpa-impress? Hindi ba’t tinatanggap ng pag-ibig lahat? O hindi ba pareho iyon? Ang pag-ibig at atraksyon? How come? Hindi ba naa-attract ang isang babae o isang lalaki sa opposite sex nang hindi rin naghahangad na magtungo sa tunay na pag-ibig iyon?

Too many confusing questions.

Masama ang tinging ipinukol niya sa sinusundan.

Ito na ba ang lalaking makasasagot ng mga tanong na iyon?

Sobra siyang nabagabag sa ideya, hindi niya napansin na tumigil na pala si Andrew sa tapat ng pinto ng apartment nito.

Nabunggo na naman siya rito.

At halatang sa sobrang inis nito, ni hindi ito makatingin man lang sa kanya.

TOTOONG PAGOD na pagod na si Andrew nang sa wakas ay dumating siya sa Koronal. Totoo ring wala siyang gusto kundi mag-crash pagdating niya sa apartment. Wala siyang intensyong gumawa ng ingay. Hindi niya sinasadya lahat ng ito.

Kaya pakiramdam niya, teribleng unfair na sa kabila ng pagod, nag-react ang kanyang katawan nang lumabas si Moreistelle sa apartment nito, nakasuot nang pinakainosenteng baby pink pajamas na nakita na niya sa buong buhay niya, pero nagmukha pa ring ang pinakamagandang bagong gising—o naistorbo ang gising—na babae na nakita na niya. How the hell could she manage it? Sa kabila ng ere ng kainosentihan, walang inosente sa ere nang pakikipagsagutan nito sa kanya. Mabilis itong sumagot, may sass. But he was more focused on her lips, wala ring lipstick pero mapula pa rin at parang ang lambot.  Mula sa cool and sophisicated executive noong makalawa, isa na ito ngayong napakaganda at birheng seductress.

Yes, he knew a little about Moreistelle Santos now. He winced, hiding his face. He knew a lot more than he cared about. Sa pagtatangkang makahanap ng ebidensyang magdidiin dito sa pagiging manggagantsong pinaniniwalaan niya, nagtanong-tanong siya sa mga kaibigan ng lola niya at sa mga tiyo niya—only to find out that she was actually innocent. Na ang mga ito ang sumuporta sa purchase ng building dahil maganda iyong investment. Kung hindi nga raw naunang ma-informed ang lola niya tungkol sa sale, baka nag-unahan ang mga itong sumunggab sa oportunidad na mabili iyon.

 And he could not even grab at the rent as a hidden agenda, kasi nga ang lola na niya ang landlady nito ngayon. There was no way she could pay late or not at all for the monthly rent—she’s paid in advance. For two years. Naka-lease rito ang apartment sa dati pa man nitong landlord. Mukhang galing sa may kayang pamilya ang babae.

At kung tutuusin, sila pa ang may utang na loob dahil sa araw ng sale, sinurpresa nito ang lola niya sa pagwe-waive nito ng komisyon nito bilang ahente sa sale, dahilan kung bakit naka-save din nang hindi birong halaga si Lola Mariz.

Therefore, he was already embarrassed when she came out. Tapos naistorbo pa niya ang tulog nito. Tapos, heto, tinutulungan na siya nito, talo pa niya ang ulol na aso sa sungit.

He was a little overwhelmed. Noone has pulled a chair under him before. He’s always been prepared for every fight. Pero somehow, ang idahilang protective lang siya sa lola niya ay hindi sapat.

Dahil ang babaeng ito ang nasa tabi ng lola niya sa nagdaang dalawang taon kung kailan wala siya. 

And to top the guilt off, heto’t bahagya na niyang makontrol ang sekswal na atraksyong hindi lang imahinasyon sa kanya, as he’d hoped the whole time he’s driving back. Nang mag-umpugan sila sa baba at naamoy niya ang amoy ng strawberry sa buhok nito at baby powder—baby powder!—scent na kahalo nang natural na amoy ng katawan nito, tumayo si Manoy sa atensyon. Nilipad ng hangin ang pagod niya. Parang nagdahilan lang siya.

Nakarating sila sa third level at nakahinga nang maluwag si Andrew. Thank God. Ilang hakbang na lang at makapagtatago na siya sa apartment niya.

And then wham…! Jesus.

Did she have eyes?!

He had to grit his teeth. Sa sunod nitong pagbunggo sa kanya, tumama ang dibdib nito sa kanyang braso.

No bra.

Now, he not only has to contend with her scent, he had to contend with how soft… napalunok siya… how soft she’d be all over if he could just… he could just…

Sumigid ng malalikidong init sa kanyang mga ugat, sa mga himaymay ng kanyang kalamnan—lumukob sa buo niyang katawan. Napapikit siya nang mariin at nagngalit ang kanyang mga ngipin para lang mapanghawakan ang natitirang control sa kanyang katinuan.

Nang sa wakas ay nagawa niyang magmulat, natagpuan niyang nag-aalala itong nakatingala sa kanya. “Talaga bang pagod na pagod ka na?”

Hindi niya kinayang magsalita agad.

“Tst,” anito. Kinuha nito ang susing nasa kamay niya, tinulak siya sa isang tabi at binuksan nito ang pinto—Little Red Riding Hood beside the Big Bad Wolf. Pumasok ito sa loob dala ang maletang maliit. Nabuhay ang ilaw sa salas. Natambad sa kanya ang loob at nagulat siya—a grateful distraction to his sweet dilemma.

 He’d expected to crash on a sofa. Sabi ng lola niya ay naiwan ang ilang mga muwebles sa apartment. Pero nasa ayos ang lahat at malinis na malinis, mukhang well-lived. Naamoy niya ang air freshener na gamit ng lola niya sa bahay nito. At napangiti siya habang napapabuntunghininga.

Then she came out from inside a door of what could only be the bedroom, since doon nito dinala ang maleta niya.

He froze again.

Biglang hindi na safe ang apartment.

Dahil batid na batid niyang ilang hakbang lang at naroroon na ang bed.

“Nilinis ito ng lola mo kahapon sa paghahanda sa pagdating mo tapos kanina, nagluto siya kaya may pagkain sa bago mong ref na pwede mong initin sa bago mong microwave kapag nagutom ka. Your bedroom’s ready,” anito pa habang kinukuha ang duffel bag na ibinagsak niya sa sahig at hinila patungo sa bukas na pintong pinagdalhan nito nang naunang maleta.

He couldn’t, wouldn’t even stop her. Hell, why should he? Who ever told her it was safe to go inside a stranger’s apartment alone was plain stupid? Apo ka ng kaibigan niya, paalala sa kanya ng tinig na iyon. Do you think the boner would care right now, singhal niya sa tinig.

Big, bad wolf.

Napapikit siya, pero napasunod din rito dala ang naiwang malaking maleta. There was the bed. Ibinababa na nito ang comforter sa kama at binubugbog ang mga unan.

“Bagong laba ang mga ito, malinis at mabango kaya siguradong makakatulog ka nang mahimbing,” sabi pa nito.

Oh no, no sleeping tonight.

Tumayo ito nang tuwid at pumihit sa kanya. Nginitian siya nito. Such a sweet face, nakadama siya ng guilt. He’s being such a pervert. Kaibigan ito ng lola niya. She has to leave now. Leave him alone.

“Iiwan na kita. Kaya mo na sigurong mag-isa?” inosente nitong tanong.

He gritted his teeth. Was she kidding?

One little lamb, two little lamb, three... no, not helping.

Sa wakas ay nakapagsalita siya.